The Village (2004)

This was way better than I remember it being, but full of weird holes that make just no sense at all. There's no reason for people to behave the way they do in this movie, except Adrien Brody. He was great.
June 10, 2013

Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)

Actually enjoyable! I took issue with the styling, which distracted at times from what was actually going on, but overall a good action space movie. I have more good to say about it than bad, and that's way more than I can say than the last one.
May 24, 2013

Iron Man 3 (2013)

RDJ's charm makes up for a lot of this movie, but it was sort of bizarre. I was enjoying it up until the last big battle, when.. well. It's like they forgot what the whole movie was about up til that point an hoped you would too.
May 20, 2013

The Killer Eye (1999)

The Killer Eye doesn't actually kill anyone, it just sort of .. does sex on them. That, he does a lot. Of it's 72 minute runtime, probably 35 are absurdly long scenes of young women rubbing eyetentacles on their nipples, or men rubbing their tummies. It is what it is.
May 20, 2013

We Were Here (2011)

I often find myself watching these GRID-days documentaries and getting angry. This one, though, made me sad. A far more emotional movie than I was expecting.
April 23, 2013

Super Cyclone (2012)

Not in the cream of Asylum flicks, that's for sure. A supervolcano creating a super cyclone (that's a storm with the strength of five Katrinas) threatens.. not that much. Mostly enjoyable for it's utter lack of consistency.
April 14, 2013

Piranha 3DD (2012)

This movie was great. Clearly made by someone with a love of movies and their clich├ęs, great puppets, filled with laugh-out-loud lines. I wish - WISH - I could've seen it in all its 3D glory, but on its own it was fantastic.
April 14, 2013

Hungry for Change (2012)

I was expecting something about the state of farming and got "Juice is soooo great!" "Sugar = Cocaine" so that was not the best. However, if I can make myself watch two of these juice movies a month I bet I would do it.
April 12, 2013

Chemerical (2009)

This doc was very irritating. About halfway through, I realized the main family was Canadian and then it was even more vexing - You know when you see something and get a little bit of jingoistic pride? This movie does the opposite.
April 12, 2013

Re-Animator (1985)

Trying to recall enough of this picture to review it is bringing up only memories of the severed head kissing up on the nice naked lady. So, I guess, parts of it were memorable. And strange. And unpleasant. But good? Somehow.
April 7, 2013

Aliens (1986)

One of those movies so filled with tension that my whole body ached upon leaving the theatre. Absolutely fantastic pacing, actoring, and incredible sets. Goopy villains are due for a comeback, I feel.
March 27, 2013

Argo (2012)

I put off seeing this for a long time because I don't care about boring political dramas, but it totally wasn't. I left the theatre with tensey shoulders. Really great.
February 19, 2013

A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

Everything Bruce Willis does in this could be attributed to senility, and not in a good way. Old man spouts old catchphrases while flipping off an explosion. Obviously, I loved it.
February 19, 2013

Jaws (1975)

Even having seen it before, there's so much suspense. Jaws is funny and charming and thrilling and sensational.
February 8, 2013

Reservoir Dogs (1992)

I'm always pleasantly surprised when a favourite movie is better than I remember it. 20 years later, this movie is as great or better than it was. I still have the BIGGEST crush on Mr Blonde, and Tim Roth is absolutely captivating.
February 8, 2013

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984)

I found this one a little bit painful to watch. It was long and drawn out and boring. I absolutely understand why people love it, but I can't. There's a super-cool, handsome, debonnaire adventurer stealing hearts and treasures, and followed by a shrieking, useless, idiot-woman.
February 4, 2013

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

I'm going to get this out first: I didn't like this movie. However, it is fantastically executed. The characters are rich and dimensional, the story is told without too many exposition breaks, and the shot compositions are beautiful. It's just not for me.
February 4, 2013

The Last Stand (2013)

Terminator it is not, but a reasonably enjoyable terrible action film. I think I'd have preferred it were I not in a theatre afraid to ruin it for other people with heckles. Johnny Knoxville was surprisingly not the most irritating thing ever.
January 30, 2013

Stake Land (2010)

Stake Land was kindof a mess, but I spent the whole time thinking "This is a mess, but I don't hate it." Until the end. I hated the end. It's a mess, with no story, half-assed characterizations, and a terrible, terrible end.
January 20, 2013

RoboCop (1987)

Overly violent at times, but generally really enjoyable, and touching, and engaging, and all those things good movies are. Also, he's a ROBOT and a COP. What's not to like?
January 14, 2013

Pitch Perfect (2012)

I was looking forward to this so much. I loved the preview, I watched the promotional interviews on the Youtube. It was going to be fun, funny, charming and sassy. It was crap.
January 13, 2013

Ghostbusters (1984)

I came to Ghostbusters late, so I don't have the same nostalgia that is so common, but it's still a great movie. Funny, and a little bit scary. Sometimes I dream about that library ghost.
December 28, 2012

The Sound of Music (1965)

This movie has everything, it's a love story, and a war fleeing type story, and there are songs and precocious youngsters and nuns, and nazis, and evil plotting baronesses! It's great. Just great.
December 27, 2012

Pink Ribbons, Inc. (2011)

I went into this expecting a lot, having heard fantastic reviews about how 'shocking' the content is. I wasn't surprised, shocked, appalled. It's a business. It was okay.
December 23, 2012

Vegucated (2011)

The filmmaker takes "three New Yorkers from different backgrounds, and converts them to a Vegan lifestyle" - only she doesn't. She takes three people who eat junk and do no physical activity, and feeds them kale and the gym. And wonders why they feel better. Propaganda.
December 23, 2012

Grown Ups (2010)

I feel really bad about making aaron watch this one, but I did laugh at the physical comedy sometimes. Weird that Rob Schneider was the sympathetic, normal character.
November 10, 2012

The Pact (2012)

I honestly don't know how to rate this. It scared me so much I screamed out loud in actual terror, prompting aaron to laugh at me, a lot. The premise was good. It was too scary for me. Edit: Thinking about it now, I'm scared in my house in the middle of the day. Fuck this movie.
November 10, 2012

The Incident (2011)

Starts very slow, picks up a little bit in the middle, and then gets stupid. Well, really the whole thing is a little bit stupid - like, why are there only two guards in this Asylum for the Batshit Insane Criminals? Tolerably stupid until the end, though.
November 10, 2012

RRRrrrr!!! (2004)

French comedy is apparently not my thing, though it did have a few moments of laughter: 1. It's set in the Stone Age and everyone is named Pierre. 2. A penis joke.
November 5, 2012

Hellraiser (1987)

I don't think I got it. The first half was pretty incoherent, no distinction between flashbacks and present led to a lot of 'i have no idea what's goin on' moments. It was imaginative, and original, I guess, but not good.
October 26, 2012

Dredd (2012)

Over-the-top violent in places, I do not need to see that many heads explode so graphically, but all in all it was enjoyable. My immediate reaction was not favourable but as the days wear on, I enjoyed it. MaMa was particularly good, as far as villains go.
October 14, 2012

The Stuff (1985)

The STUFF is snackfood that comes from the ground and may be evil. Interesting to see a monster-movie whodunnit style, but there's so much going on at once that quite a bit is lost. It's definitely worth watching, though. Just watch the first five minutes, you'll be hooked.
October 9, 2012

Troll (1986)

Such a disappointment! Troll was supposed to be fun, and with the exception of an awesome (awesome!) scene where Ben Stone inexplicably dances his little heart out it was entirely without personality or substance or worth-watchingness.
October 8, 2012

The Other Guys (2010)

I love buddy cop movies. This is the first time I've found Will Ferrell to be remotely enjoyable or charming, and I adore Marky Mark. Weak on story and the like, but it's a buddy cop movie.
September 18, 2012

Batman Begins (2005)

Re-watched this after seeing TDKR since it seemed like I didn't recall a thing about it (Like, for example, Liam Neeson existing), and boy howdy was it good. Near-perfect introduction to the man who dresses up like a bat.
September 4, 2012

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Okay, I reserve the right to change this review after re-watching the first two movies, but I was really, really disappointed. There was nothing terrible about this, but it was so very, very mediocre. Except for JGL and Anne Hathaway's teeny waist; those things were great.
September 1, 2012

Grizzly Park (2008)

Surprisingly entertaining, original and a good time. Moderately predictable toward the end, but for the most part kept us engaged and guessing. I really liked it.
August 30, 2012

Iron Sky (2012)

I didn't hate this, but I didn't love it like I expected to. There was too much "See how clever we are? Look how clever." and not enough actual cleverness. It was entertaining enough, and really quite pretty, but overall just meh.
August 27, 2012

Total Recall (1990)

A lot of thought went into this, even though it's a movie with Arnold on Mars. It's great. ALSO, you must watch the commentary. If you're with friends and getting your drink on, every time Arnold says "Yeah, Exactly" - drink. When he says exactly what is going on onscreen, drink.
August 15, 2012

Total Recall (2012)

I really did not like this, overall. There were good things: it's beautiful. The cities are really nice looking, Walter White is great, there's a lady with three breasts. The rest was not good.
August 15, 2012

Teen Wolf (1985)

I expected to enjoy this a lot more than I did, but it was good clean fun. I also approve of anything featuring werewolf-themed dance moves.
July 29, 2012

Battle in Seattle (2007)

Immersive, interesting, and clearly made with passion. On the other hand, it seems one-sided and sensationalist. I didn't dislike it, but neither did I enjoy it.
July 28, 2012

Havoc (2005)

Good story. I didn't really buy Anne Hathaway as a gangsta-teen but it may be that I wasn't supposed to. JGL on the other hand was magical, even though his part was tiny. Overall, not terrible.
July 28, 2012

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

At some point I realized I had reached the climax of the movie - all the 'Joes' were cheering and clapping,and I was sort of confused - had I really endured all two hours? I couldn't remember an established plot or point. There sure was a lot of firey explosions, though.
July 28, 2012

Magic Mike (2012)

(spoilers) I'm about to lose all credibility in rating this high. Classic boy-meets-boy / boy-becomes-stripper / boy-becomes-addicted-to-drugs-and-ods-learning-nothing tale. Kind of tragic, really. Also, bums.
July 14, 2012

Transfer (2010)

Intelligent sci-fi always makes me happy. This was so well-written it was almost too realistic. My one complaint is the version I saw was recorded in English, French, and German, and dubbed in German, with English subs. I kept reading their lips and found it mildly distracting.
July 12, 2012

Alien Origin (2012)

The most boring Asylum picture I have ever, ever seen. Found footage of soldiers trekking through the jungles of Belize. Vacation Slides meets grainy shaky cam, with less chance of a nip slip. Do not watch.
July 4, 2012

Best Worst Movie (2009)

Sortof heartwarming, but also quite sad. Follows the star of Troll 2 as he travels about to screenings, reliving his glory days, bringing the band back together.
June 26, 2012

Troll 2 (1990)

This movie is an absolute gem. The acting is hilarious, the plot is ridiculous beyond compare, and some of the lines are amazing (I'm looking at you, "If my father discovers you here, he'd cut off your little nuts and eat them.") A must see.
June 26, 2012

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

It had a beginning, middle, and end. The characters all had names. It was interestingly composed, and there was a story. It was terrible, and great. I was at once thinking 'I am having such fun' and 'This is among the worst movies I have seen.' I loved it, would not recommend it
June 25, 2012

The Avengers (2012)

Good: Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Bruce / Tony, ScarJo's bum, the scene with no cuts during the climax, lots of splosions and stuff. Meh: Pretty much everything else.
June 16, 2012

Prometheus (2012)

I left feeling like the spent more time trying to make it feel like 'Alien' than actually developing the story. Visually stunning, with a great tone and perfect pace, it was immersive, but filled with two-dimensional characters and half a story.
June 10, 2012

Startup.com (2001)

Netflix has been recommending me this for ages and I've no idea why. It wasn't engaging, the people weren't likable, and it all-around wasn't an enjoyable watching experience. It was somewhat interesting, subject-wise.
May 2, 2012

Primer (2004)

Intelligent modern sci-fi is somewhat hard to come by, but this movie does it without hand-holding or talking down to the audience.
April 18, 2012

Oldboy (2003)

This was the first foreign-language movie I ever saw, and it is the one which made me reconsider my 'no-subtitles' policy. The story is fascinating, the directing is beautiful, and the actoring is amazing.
April 18, 2012

Election (1999)

This was absolutely excellent. It felt authentic, like everyone involved had spent ages observing actual teenagers and how they react to things. For me, it was a depressing look at losing everything over some trivial event.
April 18, 2012

Alien Opponent (2011)

alien + zombie + group of ragtag rednecks, stripper, priest, ninja looking fellow, cheerleaders and sports teams + splosions + mediocre/poor special effects? Fuck. Yeah. Watch the commentary!
April 12, 2012

The Raid (2011)

AWESOME. This movie is absolutely beautifully shot. The use of sound is really striking - there's very little dialogue, but tonnes of sound cues. The action is fluid and not jerky aroundy. Kicking, punching, yelling, shooting, mayhem mayhem mayhem!
April 9, 2012

The Nature of Existence (2010)

I dislike documentaries where the filmmaker is always present in frame - 'Here is me filming Dawkins', 'Here I am walking in front of the Taj Mahal' - too much like vacation slides, but it seems excusable here, an interesting look at the beliefs and non-beliefs of the world.
April 9, 2012

X-Men: First Class (2011)

I don't hate this, but it's not great. I don't object to the use of lesser-known characters, but it was irritating having to explain them all to my watching-partner, and the movie didn't really take care of that part for me. Ultimately unexceptional and uninteresting.
April 5, 2012

Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)

I wanted to like this! I love James Corden and his squeaky voice and delightful little face, but there's just not enough here to enjoy. Some clever British humour, but overall not engaging.
April 3, 2012

21 Jump Street (2012)

I expected to hate what they had done to an excellent 80s teen drama, and was pleasantly surprised. It was actually funny. Jonah Hill has charm falling off of him, and great chemistry with Channing Tatum. The story was very much lacking - enough to take it from good to mediocre.
April 2, 2012

The Hunger Games (2012)

I'm not one to bitch about movie/book changes, because they're necessary. The two and a half hour runtime is filled with action! adventure! and excitement! and what's left behind is the story, the friendships, and any indication that the main character has a mind of her own.
March 26, 2012

Shaft (2000)

About twenty minutes into it, I realized I was watching the single worst thing I have ever seen. I finished it anyway, but I couldn't tell you what it was about, or why I watched it, or anything other than it made me sad, and a little angry.
March 20, 2012

Die-ner (Get It?) (2009)

I love terrible zombie movies, and this one is no exception. Funny, relatable protagonists (even though one is a serial killer), a few interesting shots, and excellent dialogue.
March 12, 2012

Absence of Malice (1981)

Paul Newman is exactly what he should be for the role of did-he-or-didn't-he murderer. Charming, funny, and vulnerable. The two-hour runtime seems excessive for the story, though.
March 12, 2012

Chronicle (2012)

Maybe it's because I've seen a LOT of terrible movies lately, but I thought this was really good! I'm not a big fan of the handheld-style, and it didn't seem necessary here, but the characters really took me for a ride with them and I happily went. Really great, emotional, fun.
February 28, 2012

Funny Face (1957)

Audrey Hepburn saying (of herself) "How can you possibly make a model out of that?" is laughable, but aside from having to accept this beautiful creature as an uggo, it was a fun movie with great dance numbers and catchy songs.
February 22, 2012

In the Loop (2009)

Every character feels real and charming and lovely, with genuine emotions and reasons for behaving the way that they do. Definitely one of the best movies I've seen.
February 20, 2012

Girl 27 (2007)

What could have been a powerful documentary ends up with literally an eight-minute scene where the victim extolls the virtues of the interviewer, instead of telling her story.
February 20, 2012

Puppet Master (1989)

Tiny, hilarious killer puppets. Some real cringe-worthy moments, and some laugh-out-loud ones. Overall, though, could've been a lot better.
February 6, 2012

The African Queen (1952)

Katharine Hepburn coaxes Humphrey Bogart to sink a German ship using his beat up old steamboat type dealie, and homemade torpedoes. Really great pacing, dialogue, and awesome old-timey actoring.
February 6, 2012

Darkness Falls (2003)

The Tooth Fairy, made scary. But not as scary as Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in oversized wings. Constantly flickering lights ruined the tension and made it funny, but not so funny as to be good.
February 6, 2012

The Mist (2007)

Less about monters and more about what regular people will do under pressure. The final scene in this movie strikes me, every time.
January 26, 2012

Billy Madison (1995)

This is Adam Sandler's "good" movie. I expect people remember it that way because they were thirteen at the time. It's not good. It's not funny. It's angering, it's stupid, it hurts me.
January 13, 2012

Thinner (1996)

There is no reason we shouldn't round up all copies of this movie and burn them. Except maybe the gypsy lady's bosom.
January 13, 2012

Christine (1983)

If you tell someone the movie is about a sentient lady-car who kills people, they'll probably pass. Competent writing, realistic acting, and excellent directing makes it somehow believable, suspenseful, and ultimately enjoyable. Score needs more synth, though.
January 13, 2012

Silver Bullet (1985)

The ending I thought up for this was way, way better than the ending they went with. Straightforward werewolf-meets-courageous-teen story. Still better than any of the werewolf movies of the '00s.
January 13, 2012

Labyrinth (1986)

First watching left me enchanted, second brings out the flaws. Too many fart jokes, but fantastic imagery and world-building. Muppets are so much better than CGI.
December 20, 2011